Fifth in a series on Civilization
In my last essay, I wrote about the importance of cooperation, how civilization is based primarily on two factors: specialization and cooperation. That’s how we humans get past the daily need to feed our families.
Cooperation requires each individual to give up something to gain the greater good. We see this in a large way in marriage. Each partner gives in to the other. In the best of marriages, each partner puts the other first, fulfilling themselves by the gifts they give—and in return, that other person responds by giving to the first. On frequent occasions, the two must negotiate over conflict to achieve a mutual agreement on how to proceed.
So it is also in the larger context of a civilized society. Cooperation requires civility.
It is no coincidence that both “civility” and “civilization” derive from the Latin word “civitas,” for city. Without civilization, cities are not possible—for there is no reasonable way for such quantities of people to feed themselves without it. Yet without civility, civilization cannot work. People cannot cooperate effectively when they lack the common ground of behavioral norms.
The farmer wishes to sell crops for financial gain. A buyer from a cereal company wants to buy those crops as a raw material. The two have mutually agreeable goals, just as in a marriage, but the details can make all the difference. If the farmer demands a price too high, if the buyer is unwilling to take the entire harvest, if the cereal company wants the crops held too long, if the transportation costs are not agreed—any of a myriad of details can become the sticking point that would stop the trade.
I have seen contracts fall apart over seemingly minor issues. In one technical system development, the buyer specified a system accuracy of “at least ten feet.” Their intent was that the measured accuracy would be something better than (i.e. smaller than) ten feet. After all, “accuracy” is improved by being smaller. The provider, puzzled by the language, shrugged and said, “Well, thirteen is at least ten.” Accepting the product spiraled downward into argument and, eventually, lawsuits.
Reaching a mutual agreement requires some level of civility, a willingness to follow norms understood by both parties.
The farmer offers his crop at a quantity and price established by comparison with others. If the buyer negotiates “in good faith,” they can come to agreement. Perhaps the price may change during examination of the harvest quality. Perhaps the buyer may offer to provide transportation. Negotiating “in good faith” means a willingness to consider the goals and needs of the other party, an essential part of civility.
In all human cultures, civility is defined by certain norms of behavior. Such norms build trust between business partners, thereby fostering the cooperation necessary for civilization to work. Humans are tribal; we tend to trust those who are like us and distrust those who are not like us. (Hence the title of my first novel, Not Like Us.) When a potential business partner shows up in strange clothing, using unfamiliar forms of address, and disrespects the accepted understandings, walls go up that take time to tear down. We might wish to be more willing to accept differences, but these perceptions seem to be built in.
So, civility is important as a means to reach agreement within the context of civilization. Civility is more than just being polite, though that is a good first step. It is the intent of sincere respect toward one another. Mohandas Gandhi said, “Civility does not here mean the mere outward gentleness of speech cultivated for the occasion, but an inborn gentleness and desire to do the opponent good.” We can usually tell the difference, and insincerity is one of those factors that destroys our cooperation. Disagreeing without disrespect, seeking common ground, examining one’s past preconceptions are all traits that contribute to civility.
In a future essay, I intend to write about factors that act to the detriment of civilization. Our current culture seems to be declining in this one factor of civility. In 2016, the University of Chicago released a report citing that 74 percent of Americans think manners and behavior have declined in the United States. More recent reports show a continuation of this trend. Will this have an effect on our civilization? Will it reduce the cooperation necessary for society to work? Recent events seem to indicate so.
Peter Wehner, a high level political speechwriter, identified three ways in which civility makes society function and keeps it noble:
- Civility holds together our families, communities, and establishments. It provides civic cohesion and eliminates excuses for invective and conflict
- Civility is an expression of divine art and respect for others, reflecting that all people are worthy of the inherent and unalienable respect of human dignity.
- Civility expresses epistemological humility that truth is not relative nor justified by argument, but that truth covers a wider understanding than any of us yet have.
So, when we smile and hold out an offered handshake (or fist bump), we offer dignity to that other person. We recognize them as worthy of our time, a meaningful trading partner, someone to whom we can offer our own specialization in trade for theirs.
If you’re interested in how I apply these principles of civilization in my political science fiction, you can get my award-winning novel Not Like Us on Kindle by clicking this link. It’s free for Kindle Unlimited subscribers. Several other authors also offer similar novels at the link.
Doc Honour
October 2025
Doc Honour Books 